Destined Union/An Unconventional Love Story

Destined Union by Tina Brescanu

Coming out later in life is not uncommon. Many come out in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and even later. People in their 40’s and older were raised in an era when heterosexuality and monogamy were the only openly accepted options for living life. People who come out later in life realise that they have always been what they thought they weren’t but now finally have had the honour of getting to know. Some are shocked at their discovery but most are comfortable becoming who they really are, who they have always been, but now have a new understanding for. Destined Union is a story of coming out later in life and also a becoming who you really are story. #Polyamory #Bisexual #Pansexual #LimitlessLove #ComingOut

#Polyamory #Bisexual #Pansexual #LimitlessLove #ComingOut

Have you never felt suicidal, what’s wrong with you?!

The first time I was suicidal, I was nine years old. Early puberty spiralled out of control. I was all over the place, but I didn’t want to be in any place, certainly not in life. I started to smoke and it helped to slow down my death wish. Smoking is a slower expression of suicidal thoughts, hidden really as it creates a smoke screen to hide behind, and I hid there for twenty-three years, but I still went through two more suicidal events.

The second time was in my late teens, having survived school but having no real idea of who I was or what I wanted. I drank myself drunk and cut myself while writing out my sorrow. Words spilt out on paper and my good-byes’ became stories, stories that made me see myself clearer, clear enough to know I wasn’t finished yet, I had stuff left to do. I continued smoking but I changed my life totally in every other way and I headed down yet another path, a path that led me to Ireland and that’s where the last episode occurred just before meeting my life partner and dad of my children who came to me in a story the second time I tried to kill myself and told me to hang on.

The last time I was partied out, empty and lost. My plan was to go to the end of the world to meet my end of this world, but one last party came up and that’s where I met my husband who was an illegal immigrant. Living on the edge meant always taking risks but this wasn’t as much about saving his life, allowing him to stay in Ireland, it was about saving my own life, allowing me to stay alive and for our children that I had written about in previous suicide notes that became a prophecy which came true. My children saved my life as did I for believing in stories.

I think to live fully you have to meet death. I felt like a coward for not daring to kill myself, but I have since learnt that I was brave. I’ve lost one friend through suicide but I have the deepest empathy for her and any suicidal person who goes the whole way, I know how close I came, and I don’t believe in any religious damnation of suicide, of it being a cowards way out, life is a miracle but only if it’s a choice and ultimately we all belong to ourselves, we all make up our own reasons for living and when we lose them I believe any person who dies by suicide goes straight back to cosmic love for a respite and then it’s up to them to come back again or not.

Ladder of Life

To own your house and have a job for life sounds good to a lot of people, but I have always questioned this life set up, I’ve always prefer not owning anything other than my own body, myself, the rest can come and go, move freely, not stagnate and grow mould.

Of course, my theories are based only on what feels right and what doesn’t.

I never subscribed to one job for life either; people have always been shocked at my disregard for a permanent job position, preferring the opportunity to remain until further notice employment basis.

Owning a house has never been on my life plan either, renting gives much more freedom and options, and now when people live longer, and immigration is quite common, it makes more sense too.

Renting and changing jobs throughout life keep everything fresh, and a country with this life set up does better than countries who insist on holding tight to what is not a safety net, it’s a ball and chains.

Just like money in the bank is useless when not used, so too are jobs and houses when they stagnate, when they don’t get new blood. We all know that a change of scenery recharges the batteries, but change is also freedom.

My mormor (mother’s mother)

My mormor (Swedish for mother’s mother) came to Sweden in a rucksack.

Her grandparents skied across the frozen river between Sweden and Finland in the middle of the night having sold everything to get to Sweden at the most dangerous of times, the beginning of peace after WW2. My mormor is Finnish Karelian.

My mormor got pneumonia and were taken to Haparanda hospital while her parents started to work in the forest.

Later, they were moved to the south of Sweden, to Sikfors, a small place in Bergslagen in central Sweden and got a loan to set up home and start their lives as Swedes properly.

My mormor’s name is Lumia which means snow or light.

When Lumia started school at age 7 she didn’t have a word of Swedish and she struggled in first and second year, but not only because of the language, she needed glasses but no one figured it out until she was 13. My mormor attended a small school in Sikfors. She was bullied for being fat, her mother overfed her because she had suffered starvation and didn’t want my mormor to go through the same hardship. My mormor was also bullied for not speaking Swedish properly.

I love that when she came back to her school reunion 40 years later, she was the only one who was slim and still working. Because she was overweight she wasn’t allowed to take part in PE, mad isn’t it?

They thought she could injure herself and she was also put on a diet in school so when the other children had pea soup and pancakes my mormor got carrots and eggs, every day!

Mormor’s best friend, Rosmari, was from Austria and the most mischievous thing they ever did was to climb other people’s apple trees and sit dangling from a branch each while eating apples until they could eat no more.

They went fishing in Svartälven, or the Black River, and mormor’s cat always got the first fish. She carried it home between her teeth to show off before chowing down.

My mormor was a very kind, gentle and shy person. Some people thought she was stupid because she was different. When she listened to Elvis Presley, Little Richards and Chubby Checker on her Grammophon, an ancient machine for playing music, she boogied all the badness away, but if she played too loud her dad used to turn off the electricity.

Lumia’s favourite food was pancakes and meatballs but today she eats neither because they are not healthy for a woman who has survived a heart attack.

My mormor’s favourite season was and still is summer. Rosmari and Lumia used to swim all day and every day in the lake Sången, the Song. They floated and dived even if it rained, but never when it thundered.

My mormor used to help her parents to pick berries and mushroom in the forest which they both ate themselves and also sold. She loved helping to stretch their low-income this way but she sometimes got fed up translating for her parents.

They never went on holiday, but my mormor got to go to Finland a few times to meet all the relatives, mostly in Joensuu and Lieksa which is in the east of Finland, bordering the Karelia they once came from which now belongs to Russia.

My mormor read all Enid Blyton books and this was also her collection. She is still an avid reader but now she reads mysteries.

Toxic Childhood and Paranoid Parenting: Criticisms of the March of Progress View of Childhood

ReviseSociology

The common sense view is to see the above changes as ‘progressive’. Most people would argue that now children are more protected that their lives are better, but is this actually the case? The ‘March of Progress’ view argues that yes, children’s lives have improved and they are now much better off than in the Victorian Era and the Middle Ages. They point to all the evidence on the previous page as just self-evidently indicating an improvement to children’s’ lives.

Conflict theorists argue against this view – they say that in some ways children’s lives are worse than they used to be. There are basically three main criticisms made of the march of progress view

1. Recent technological changes have resulted in significant harms to children – what Sociologist Sue Palmer refers to as Toxic Childhood.

2. Some sociologists argue that children today are too controlled. Sociologists such as Frank…

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2015 Ingmar Bergman Lifetime Achievement Award: Max von Sydow

The Movie Rat

Introduction

This award is named after Bergman because when I was set to establish an award of its type his last film blew me away and was nominated for many awards. The idea then is that it’s not a parting shot but rather recognition of someone still very much at the top after many, many years.

2015 Max von Sydow

still-of-max-von-sydow-and-birgitta-valberg-in-jungfrukällan-(1960)

I like these awards to come around almost by osmosis. I considered another way for Bergman-connected people: like Liv Ullmann, unfortunately I did not see her most recent film (as director).

It seemed like a stretch to pick Max von Sydow, as someone active this year only in the very beginning of the new Star Wars, but as I thought about it it started making more and more sense. He’s been considered before and was part of a BAM-nominated cast this year.

In the future, he will be…

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Love is a force you can’t force

I grew up thinking love was something manipulative, something that could be controlled, but just like other cultural teachings, it was wrong. What were you taught about love that you later found out to be wrong?

I learnt very early that love is a force you can’t force, I have even fallen in love with people I didn’t like. Love is completely unselfish, you want to just give, give and give when love hits you like lightning.  Love is free, love can’t be turned on as a reward or off as a punishment. Love is unlimited and also limitless, you can love as many as you love and more. Love is impersonal. Love is never more or less, love is love. Love is both a choice and a surrender. Love doesn’t follow man-made codes or societal customs. You don’t deserve love, you are love. Love doesn’t die, love changes form.

What you learn doing abortions after 20 weeks — Dr. Jen Gunter

Residency doesn’t prepare you for listening to someone you have never met pleading over the phone for help, their breathless desperation as they try to tell their sad story between sobs, intertwined with intimate details. They would say random, heart breaking things like, “What do we do with the crib?” They were similar in many […]

via What you learn doing abortions after 20 weeks — Dr. Jen Gunter

Thank you for Pippi, Astrid Lindgren

I love Astrid Lindgren, and especially Pippi. When I did a reading in my children’s school they thought Pippi was a boy because of her boldness. Growing up with Pippi saved my life. Thank you, Astrid Lindgren for always championing children, for creating children heroes in your books and for spreading the recipe of a happy childhood around the world: love, love and more love.

Pippi’s sense of humour is one of her strengths:
(Excerpt: “Are you the girl who’s moved into Villekulla Cottage?” asked one of the policemen.
“Not me!”said Pippi. I’m her very small aunt who lives on the third floor at the other end of the town.” She only said this because she wanted to have a bit of fun with the policemen. But they didn’t think it was the least bit funny. They told her not to try to be so clever. And then they explained that kind people in the town had arranged for her to be placed in a Children’s Home.
“I’m already in a Children’s Home,” said Pippi.
“What’s that? Is it already arranged?” asked the policemen. “Which Children’s Home is that?”
“This one,” said Pippi proudly. “I’m a child, and this is my home. There aren’t any grown-ups living here, so I think that makes it a Children’s Home.”)